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so ... ive got a question / problem ... my family in Berkeley got this cat that is new to them. its a cute cat. i like cats (in general). when i lived with my family in Berkeley five years ago i used to have five indoor cats in a two bedroom city apartment. that was too many cats. way too many cats. i dont want to hold cats now unless i want to. i live in Oregon now.

now on my last monthly trip to Berkeley and again today my exspouse and the kids keep wanting me to hold this new cat. i say thanks but no. they continue to push that i hold this cat while laughing, smiling. i say thanks but no. they continue to push. i want to hold my boundary. they acknowledge i have a boundary but continue to push laughing smiling. i am feeling uncomfortable. i am feeling sad they continue to push the holding of the cat on me. i ask them to stop but they say it is funny. J just stated (as in just now at 8am) that it is not a problem. he just wants me "... to love the cat. and i will like holding the (cat)".

i like visiting my exspouse and kids. i miss them when i am in Oregon. i am realizing that having my boundary pushed like this contributes to me not feeling comfortable and not wanting to be visiting my kids over extended periods of time.

what can i do to maintain my boundary as they continue to push ?

PS i think since my nose is running and i have been sneezing on my visits to their apartment in Berkeley i may also be reactive / allergic to cats.

Comments

( 1 comment — Leave a comment )
magsterama
Sep. 12th, 2005 10:15 pm (UTC)
My advice is to show anger. Not a lot, but just look them straight in the eye and say "No, I do not want to hold the cat so stop trying to force me" and walk out of the room if they won't stop. They obviously find it funny and will continue to find it funny until you convince them that you are absolutely dead serious and that it is not funny to you.

Just a thought.
( 1 comment — Leave a comment )

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