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i had fun this past weekend being "House Magician" (head of the "Flow" team) for the April Heart of Now course. k was the "Vision Goddess" (head of the "Vision" team). the 3 person "Flow" team supports the 38 Assistants of the course whereas the 3 person "Vision" team supports the 21 Students. i recall that a year and a half ago, when i was a first time student, i didnt think i would be able to reach the role of "House Magician". i had the idea that it would take years for me to get there. i was in awe of the position. i realize the truth of the present that some students may also now be in awe of me. maybe not also. i would be in awe of me. i find examining my old ideas and evidences to be interesting to me.

i am right now in a Catholic Worker House in Tacoma, Washington, at an organizing / planning meeting of the Pacific Life Community. people from Ground Zero are here. i am here as a representative from NDE.

i like my connection with k but want more intimacy with her and other people in general. i realize that we were both busy this weekend with the Heart of Now course. i want people to be attracted to me, to seek me out, for me to feel pursued, to feel and be happy often. i am getting closer to achieving this feeling.

currently i feel like i am close / intimate with k (also sexual), Sh, B, and SaraB (in Eugene), C and St (in the Berkeley area), A (at Lost Valley), K (in Ohio), M (in Chicago), and a few others. i am wanting more however. i am looking at what is driving my desire to be pursued, whether it is based in childhood stuff, a general feeling of not being pursued, "too much" spare time. i am also hearing in the workshop about how so many other people are searching desperately for the feelings of love, connection, partnership.

Lost Valley now has the Lost Valley Digest !

Comments

( 1 comment — Leave a comment )
dryadgrl
Apr. 26th, 2006 04:10 pm (UTC)
It's good to hear from you/read you on LJ.
( 1 comment — Leave a comment )

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