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So ... I received an email from rivervision wherein she stated "How are you? I see you are experiencing sadness at times. I'm constantly impressed with your resourcefulness in connecting with folks in new places." So I am actually feeling really good. Happy most times, specifically frustrated with 1) the price of tickets to visit J, and R but I knew the cost might be higher if I moved somewhere further than Oregon with S (which is why Seattle is temporary), 2) frustrated that S's job (especially the reaction to allergies she is having) is taking so much out of S that she is tired after work*, 3) some frustration in getting to know my way around a new city (but there is joy there too), 4) my own fears of living in a "big city" again after having a goal of cutting down my cost of living and living in a rural environment, 5) my own fears involving wanting to be "a good partner" and not having too much stress regarding point #4 ("good partner" consisting of ideas of A) having space to listen to my working partner, B) being able to give space to my partner if needed, C) finding appropriate things for my own wellbeing and mental health, D) being able to save and make more money (such that what I have isnt spent unwisely), 6) being able to stay informed with S's evolving work schedule and able to flow with the changes, 7) fears of loosing S or her loosing physical items and things in the field (though there's not much I can do about those and they are just fears about loss v. trust), and the resolving sadness involving 8) miscommunications / malcommunications with Lost Valley regarding Membership, and 9) how k chose to leave me, while blaming me.

So I am happy that S wants to live with me (why not Im a great partner if I say so myself (PROJECTION)) and I hear from her that I am a great partner in just being ME. I also hear that she is happy in the relationship (good for the planet, mutually beneficial, life affirming) and that she has fears about her not being a good partner to me (feeling sick, tired from work, grumpy, needing space).

I am happy in my meeting people, learning Spanish, working, getting to explore Seattle, learning recorder, biking. Happy about our living situation, financial situation.

Things could be a whole, whole lot worse. I have been there. I could be going through a breakup, alone, overworked, health problems of myself or family members, injury, tragedy, cleaning an old junked apartment, depressed, stressing about oil residue, stressing about dishes, or one of the random unsorted entries below (no way to search previous posts for "sad" or "depressed"):
http://rkmlai.livejournal.com/159437.html
http://rkmlai.livejournal.com/2002/01/24/
http://rkmlai.livejournal.com/116151.html
http://rkmlai.livejournal.com/2001/09/21/

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