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 Yesterday was another short bicycle ride in the urban areas of Sacramento to pick up groceries. While on the ride I recalled other aspects of the longer summer ride: 

I recalled the pain I felt when I felt criticized that I had too much stuff. "That's a lot of stuff there" was a comment I often heard regarding my loaded gear on my mountain bicycle. I could identify in me the welling up of the frustration that I was receiving by their observation and comments but I was not receiving a direct suggestion of what I could have left behind or sent home. I am still persevering on what I could have gotten rid of, not that I was needing less weight, but I was needing faster packing time. From my vantage point I brought what was necessary and minimal on this open-ended camping trip. Tent, sleeping bag, spare parts for the bicycle, a change of clothes, flashlight, etc. packed into the panniers. I didn't bring extraneous stuff, that I could identify, and felt especially befuddled when I was receiving the comment from people who were carrying way more stuff on their trip in their motorized recreational vehicle.

From a Nonviolent Communication perspective I heard they were maybe trying to connect with me by making a statement but they were not making a connecting request like "How do you feel when you hear me make that judgement you have a lot of stuff ?" or "Do you feel seen in that you are prepared (or whatever) ?" I also maybe hear they were projecting their own psychological issues about having stuff and bouncing them onto me (and now me on to me).  Maybe they were seeking a way to relate similar to uttering "How many miles have you ridden ?" or "How many flat tires have you had ?".

In anycase I was having a need to get packed up faster in the mornings on the summer trip and felt frustrated with the lack of flat surfaces to pack stuff on to the bicycle and with the repetitious daily balancing act of straps and round stuff sacks trying to pack things more effectively onto the bicycle. Daily, over and over, I tell you. 

I also am having some compassion for myself in that I think my internal clock was shifting cause of narcolepsy, and that I was drowsy, groggy in the mornings with excessive daytime sleepiness, automatic behaviors (manifested as checking things over and over cause I was not alert nor awake) and hypnogogic realistic dreams while less sleepy latter in the night, like right now at 3am in Sacramento. 

I wonder: Maybe the trip was not good for me.

Comments

( 1 comment — Leave a comment )
ext_327986
Nov. 20th, 2010 06:43 am (UTC)
It's just one of those things
I've always thought I couldn't teach because of little or no patience for stupid questions - on a trip like the Shaina/Ming Summer of 2010 Expedition - you must have gotten lots of stupid questions! This is just one. Let it go, friend. The packing sounds like the daily grind of circumstance - washing dishes is it for me living in town, in the summer it's weeding or watering, since we don't have automatic. Was the trip not good for you? Probably too soon to say - I read bits as the two of you went along - seemed daunting, interesting, intriguing, monumental. Your body probably needs time to recover and this seems to be a tiring time of year for many - weather changing, recovering from summer exertions, who knows what.
( 1 comment — Leave a comment )

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