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Mar. 21st, 2001

The last couple of nights in the ED have been challenging but also very disappointing. The new preceptor has been more direct but not overly so. She, true to what had been said about her, has high standards and expects a lot of her preceptee. Somehow at this point I seemed to not have what it takes to be a 'successful Emergency Department RN', dispite what had seemed to be a good preperation and experience base as perceved by others as well as myself. Once again the theoretical is disrupted by the IRL interaction me. I know not what the short term goals are now regarding my employment situation. I feel that I am not safe for practice on the care of the patient. I have an evaluation currently stating that fact. I cannot transfer or get other employment with this finding of unsatasfactory performance. I am a hinderence to the hospital, department, and family with no avenue for succesful positive change. I scare aquaintences, frighten possible friends and friendships, and have proven poor potential for little else than continuing loneliness and living detrement to those whom I have direct contact.

I see people with different eyes now, eyes now with fear and no longer only avoidence.

I wish D*H, PhantasmRose, and Sadist1986 a happy birthday! !

I repeat my wish for their well being here in that I have not recieved the 'CC' from either bluemountain.com or yahoogreetings.

I did pick up a copy of "Fantastic Beasts & Where to Find Them" by Newt Scamander.

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