Log in

No account? Create an account

Previous Entry | Next Entry

i am feeling sad at this moment. today seems to be kinda hard from the morning. i have the idea that my sadness is from that i was expecting "more" than what i feel like i received with my interactions this morning with my beloved.

my experience is that after returning from Berkeley and arriving back in the Eugene area i was on a fun connective camping trip at Fall Creek. we arrived home on Monday early afternoon. i participated in the DELVE program Monday afternoon so k could be at two meetings rather than her needing to be the "parent participant" at DELVE. later i was able to taste some BBQed Nutria which was a rare event. then k and i talked with Kim for a while that night. Tuesday morning was Core Grp for k so i was again answering phones in the Office. my experience was that k returned to a busy schedule and picked up more things to do from the weekly Core Grp meeting. then she was working on her work in the afternoon as we both were watching the kids. this morning was the Kipuka meeting and then k was working more during lunch so she could go to a Facilitation Workshop this afternoon. then she said something i was fearing. Somewhere in here i got mad and sad and decided to skip the workshop that i could attend. i then offered a neighbor childcare for Ben so Keli could be at the Workshop.

i desire to be supportive of the decisions that k makes. i am saddened that i have reactions and emotions that occur when there is a decision made that i dont like. i am trying to identify my current emotions: sadness, left-out-edness, fear of abandonment, fear of k becoming busier (or specifically me not being included in the busyness). i do not think i fear her relationships or more involved relationships except in that it may exclude me. i should feel happy for her and supportive of her assisting. instead i feel supportive for her but sad / fearful for me.

Latest Month

December 2012
Powered by LiveJournal.com
Designed by Naoto Kishi