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relationship issues

i am feeling sad right now. i am leaving on another trip to Berkeley today for a week, and k and i snarked at each other last night and into this morning. she is feeling "responsible" for me and my feelings and i am feeling sad and disconnected from her. she relates that she has been feeling great about our relationship these last few weeks and i am apparently "wanting" more out of our relationship.

last weekend i was very busy helping produce the "Heart of Now" workshop where k was also busy facilitating the workshop. she expressed that i should verbalize my needs and get them met by other participants. that she was busy and didnt want to feel responsible for me or help me figure out what i "needed". last night she felt that i expressed my dissatisfaction about feeling unsupported in a few areas of our relationship (my narcolepsy and falling asleep / low energy Fri & Sat of the workshop weekend and my feelings of "feeling left out") to a few specific participants and she was surprised and startled that i didnt share those specific feeling with my partner, her. she stated "how would i feel if she had had these feelings and thoughts and hadnt shared those with me ?". i have the idea that had she had those same feelings i had last weekend, that i would have made time to listen to her no matter how busy i was feeling. i have the idea that i value deeply our partnership and that work is necessary for maintaining growth and balance. she apparently feels now defensive and "responsible" and wanting distance from me, the very thing i fear and feared (see "feeling left out" above). i feel frustrated. and sad. and not getting enough time to work on these issues with her.

right now she is walking and talking with a friend and i cant tell if i was disinvited because of last night or whether i never was invited. she is scheduled to finish her walk at 12p just as i need to leave for my trip.

i hope our connection on the phone is better then it has felt for me on previous trips. i hope i will feel "ok" and "unattached" if it does not meet my "expectation".


( 1 comment — Leave a comment )
Mar. 15th, 2006 10:00 pm (UTC)
oh, how i love it that you process this kind of stuff with me and that we are in a better place now. i have such faith in our relating: i feel confident (based on past experience) that with the ebb and flow of our energetic connection we will learn much, go deep and feel ever further connected to the divine. i wish everyone could have a love like ours! love, k oh, and p.s. i did not feel especially connected via the phone when you were in Berekely, tho i'm glad we talked. the session we had with Gra' was extremely helpful. i'm glad we have such great support
( 1 comment — Leave a comment )

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