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It was only recently that I found out that 'rave candy' contained no sugar.

I just had a nap after going out with the kids. Nothing changed. I thought I had found a new solution but she was doing it too, and for the same exact reasons.

I think that I might have however found a new equation;

1+1=3.5?

'PantheaCon 2001' on Feb 19, 01 at the Cathedral Hill Hotel was a little disappointing. The big lure for the kids offree stuff was non existent. There were lots of little nik naks to spend a few dollars on. I remet 'Joi' of Berkeley with the green dreads and rainbow colored shirt. Lots of conventioneers milling around. I overheard that around 1500 participates were here for the events over four days.

I am still thinking a lot of B and how I enjoy her company, listening to her talk and express her ideas and feelings. I gave her a unique gift the other day that probably money could not buy (tee-hee!) and she enjoyed it, strange person that she is. It is a gift that I would enjoy.

She is beautiful and strange, as am I. Is she toxic to me? Does her strange appearance lull others to see someone they may prey upon, whereas I see someone externally as I am inside? Is that why she has been 'hit upon' so many times? I have been 'hit upon' many times as well unfortunately(?!?) by the same population of old geezers.

I must remember that the conversations in my head are only there, in my head (and at LJ), that external factors in her life influence her moods, responses, and reactions. Is this a crush or am I in love? Is she toxic to me? This is progress? as in last year at Valentine's day when I gave a few gifts, my acquaintances were hardly able to recall my name. Now I think I have ideas about who I am close to IRL.

When I am with my friends IRL I have tried and succeeded at many small things, impromptu goals. Trivial occurrences that would be barely noticeable by others yet mean a world to me. Periods of time when I am freer.

BTW B loaned me the current CDs that I am listening to. I have icepick in hand (actually a chest tube trochar [think very sharp oversized metal knitting needle]).

...just a little levity, it is often appreciated, like now. Thank you my dear friend. :)

And best of luck to a departing friend D*H.

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