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Aaaarrrgggg...

Today has been frustrating.

The investigation at work is still stalled. The offending worker is still being "interviewed". He probably already is clued in that there is trouble for him. My manager has shifted some of my working days around so that I will not come in contact with him during shift change. He is going to notice I am not there since that is the problem. I don't want him hugging me (as he has). He is going to notice my absence. This is not the subtle intervention I was assured of.

The work environment is trying to protect itself, not the harassed victim.

Should I live in fear of his retaliation? I hate this power play shit.

The stress is building.

Fortunately, I have been occupied with more pleasant things. Last night was another lecture "More Than a Drink: Chocolate in the Pre-Columbian World". Fun Fun.

Then I come to this crux. The diversions and activities are keeping me busy but I'm not going out with people. I am thirsting for interactions (ironic isn't it considering the above described complaint).

What more can I do?

The group activities are "safe". Why do I want more? LJ is great in that I get interactions, but it is still through a caul. Why can I not come out with it and ask people out? I want to met with friends for coffee, for lunch, to go to parties, bars, dances. picnics but the fear of rejection or feelings of obligation on the part of friends looms overhead.

Spending quality time with my ex-spouce and her "new" family is great and the fact that her fiancée accepts me is fantastic. But I am still an obligation for them (maybe more later about those circumstances). What more do I want?

Thank the gods for the friends I have here.

I have no others.

Comments

( 2 comments — Leave a comment )
daniela
Oct. 13th, 2000 02:28 pm (UTC)
wow, that chocolate lecture sounds awesome!

i went to a lecture on the science and anthropology of chocolate at the exploratorium on valentine's day a few years back. fruit of the gods, indeed. who would think that such a little bean could have such a cultural significance?
konundrum
Oct. 14th, 2000 01:48 pm (UTC)
*hug*
i know this is a little late... but i'm sorry you were feeling so in-need-of-others and felt like you had no one to turn to.

coffee (tea?) sounds lovely :)
( 2 comments — Leave a comment )

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