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I think I work hard at making friends.

J is playing in the park and having lots of fun climbing. R is playing at a friend's house. Tonight I think D and E want to go to IKEA and exchange some broken furniture parts.

I am stuck, fixated, ruminating, dwelling, obsessing on this problem of making friends and friendships. Am I to sit and wait for other people to initiate friendships? I feel now bereft of friends IRL. Acquaintances and co-workers I have. I see them at work or as parents to my kid's schoolmates or as salesclerks to stores I frequent. I try to initiate friendships and have met so far with dismal failure. Retail clerks are suspicious of 'friendly' customers. They are there to work, not to make friends. Co-workers are cautious of relationships that might endanger their career or paycheck. No one wants to have their competency questioned and so open communication is hindered. Parents of schoolmates are busy raising their kids and have not the opportunity to spend with a 'third wheel' it seems.

Am I missing something???

I have, it seems, no one to talk to or to go have coffee with IRL unless they are met here. D I can talk too but now she has her own life. I play with the kids but do not really contribute to their growth. I look for 'peers' and find no one. Maybe my understanding of 'peers' or 'friendship' is flawed. I do volunteer stuff to meet people but no one I have initiated friendships with extends beyond a 'lunch'. (I am not looking for anything but a base for a platonic friendship.) Not being overly egotistical but what am I doing wrong? Am I not to have 'close' friends? I thought I had glimpsed some success with DS but that was worse than delusion. What can I do differently? How do I and how can I shift the paradigm to meet others? I feels so lonely and apart, especially after parting with DS.

Any suggestions, ideas, or comments would be most welcome.

It has been a busy chaotic week. There was my meltdown at work that is/was very embarrassing and unwise to say the least.

It has exposed a lot of my current stressor to my employer and has also highlighted why my performance might be impaired. I am assuming that 'impaired performance' exists even before it has been mentioned. I have no gauge for comparison other than jealously overhearing the praise given to other orientees. It is a flawed ruler as I ignore praise given to me, exaggerate the half heard comments overheard as given to individuals, but compared as a group to me as an individual.

In other less self absorbed news, there was the funeral of my godfather that was a combination of Chinese American tradition and Masonic rite. Also for the last two weekends the kids and I have gone to the 'Berkeley Farmer's Market', a gathering that takes place every Saturday on Center St. next to the Martin Luther King, Jr. park. It has been a chance to give D and Doctor E a break from the kids, a chance for the munchkins to see 'organic' produce, learn about 'genetic engineered "FrankenFood"' propaganda, and play at the nearby park where we are at now.

I will need to be very cautious at work in light of my meltdown and sequestration last Wednesday. Since that time some of the problems have been ameliorated but not really resolved. It might be better now at work or it could be worse now with no one talking, only guessing.


( 2 comments — Leave a comment )
Mar. 13th, 2001 08:05 am (UTC)
Making friends - it starts with lunch
Making friends starts with just doing a "lunch" or something. You don't go from zero to friendship instantly. It starts by doing a few lunches, and then grows over time. I understand where you're coming from because I had similar problems when I first moved to Atlanta. It's only over the past few weeks that I suddenly feel like I have friends.

Then again, I'm also questioning the whole "friends" thing. I have a former acquaintance who has begun threatening me through my LiveJournal, claiming that I backstabbed him "after all I did" he says "for you and Ian". As I recall, "all he did" consisted of drinking our beer and eating our food. If he hadn't once dated a friend of mine, I would never have met him. Now that they've broken up, he feels he needs to harass and threaten me. Makes me wonder if friends are worth it.

Mar. 13th, 2001 12:43 pm (UTC)
Re: Making friends - it starts with lunch
Thank you for your input.

I think friends are worth it. Friendships however that degenerate into relationships of fear or threats were not friendships from the beginning. I feel that if they were friendships from the beginning the two people would move apart allowing the friendship to have existed and for there to be a respectful peace, whereas threats and fear are indicative of a different kind of relationship. One based on issues of power and control.

( 2 comments — Leave a comment )

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