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I have made a friend who might bring me into a community. A new community. We had lunch together yesterday at a restaurant in the San Francisco Business District called Lavosh. I was a good lunch with thought provoking and clarifying conversation.

She expressed a concern that I had perhaps too much of an expectation of our newly budding relationship. I attempted to assuage her apprehension and tried to explaining that although I might dream of an intimate relationship, such a thing can not exist. Such a relationship is beyond what I could myself manage in this life and this lifetime. I am not sure that I was able to convey this message IRL. I reiterate my message here in the hopes that there is now clarity to what I might not have achieved in person. I hope she is able to hear this message and understand that what she wants is indeed what I want also.

I trust that frequent readers of this LJ will understand the ultimate truth of where I am coming from and also understand the benign purpose and wisdom of myself not creating another unfathomable, unexplainable pit in the soul.

Do you understand ?

Goal: create and maintain healthy friendships.

I took J to McD this morning for his favorite breakfast as he had no school today. It is Malcome X's birthday. I personally think Malcome X would have wanted people in school to celebrate his birthday, not have a holiday with schools closed. I put aside time today to have fun with my son and enjoy the sun. At his urging we read "A Better View for Gordon and other Thomas the Tank Engine Stories". Have I mentioned he loves trains ? For his birthday we are going to Roaring Camp Railroads taking the "Suntan Special" south & "Redwood Express" north, from Felton to Santa Cruz to spend the day at the boardwalk.

I finally visited the local Global Exchange establishment. It is "International Fair Trade Day" tomorrow.

The plans and hopes of my life are being fulfilled. I am and have been achieving the success of my goals far too rapidly. I know my view of life and purpose are skewed. My boundaries are loose and fluid. It has throughout my life cost me dearly. Futile is the fight against the unchangeable.

I am currently reading "The Big Book Of Death" by Paradox press, a 'Factoid Books', written by Bronwyn Carlton in 1995. I am reading about seven other books as well.

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